![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I am getting seriously sick of the sexism I've been encountering lately. Mainly because some of it has been coming from my guy friends. I know I'm not the only one who's sick of it, either. Yesterday, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
binsybaby also posted about it:
I see people saying stuff like this a lot
"I don't know why, but girls never seem to be as funny as guys!"
Suggesting that sexy girls can't be funny if they are too sexy, saying that guys will always get more laughs just... because!
This bothers me as I'm sure it must bother you!
I tend to think that this viewpoint exists only because of our gender's tendency for shyness and being overly focused on appearance.
You can blame the media for that, for sure, but you also gotta admit we've never lived in a better time to break the mold!
She's right. It's absurd, and really dumb, and partially our own faults. However, the guys seriously need to watch it. She's specifically talking about the area of comedy, but I've been seeing it among friends and in general, and that's what I want to address.
It's the little things. Like telling my roommate she sounds the most intelligent when her mouth is closed. Or texting my roommate saying that the girlfriends she brought have been cast like lambs in front of lions and that she needs to save them, when they clearly aren't interested in the guys hitting on them, and are just humoring them and being amused at how ridiculous they are. Or just in general exuding an aura that makes us feel like you don't value our opinions as much as the guys we hang out with, like we have to try harder, be more eloquent, work harder to get our points across.
I also don't appreciate being treated like property. I don't like that the guys I hang out with ask permission of each other in order to hook up with girls in the group. It's not their fucking call, thank you very much. They can't blacklist us, they can't give a go-ahead, whatever they may think they can say doesn't matter because it is our decision to make. Sure, it's a little different if one of the friends has a crush on that girl (I'd ask a friend if I thought she liked someone before hooking up with them), but just because they seem overprotective doesn't mean shit. If my guy friends give a guy I'm hooking up with shit because they know each other and don't approve, I will have words with my guy friends. Because it is not their business. It is not their call. My body, my mind, my kisses are my own and they have absolutely no say in who I bestow them upon or what I do with them.
When I bring this up, in a nice manner, or just to remind them, I do not appreciate being contradicted in a joking manner. It's not a joke, it either makes us angry or makes us feel worthless depending on our mood. And it's always worse when they're together. Because they build off one another, needing to seem the most macho. It's a little disgusting.
Another observation makes me wonder if it's just this coast, and is a direct reaction to the increase in chivalry I've also encountered here. It's like it's been embedded in them that they have to be chivalrous and that makes them conclude that we are weaker and stupider and need to be directed and given preference because of that. I'm from Seattle, and I have gotten myself into many an awkward situation here because I don't expect guys to hold doors open for me, or wait for me to get out of the elevator first or whatever. Conversely, at home with my guy friends I feel like an equal in the conversation. Everyone gets ragged on to the same extent. I never feel like I'm thought less of, like my girl friends are thought less of and are less respected compared to the guys. We get equal input into the conversation. We aren't ignored. The insults feel less serious, like when the guys insult each other because they can because they're friends and know they don't really mean it.
So, maybe chivalry really should die? But then again, there are a few guys I have met who truly do treat me like an equal and yet are also ridiculously chivalrous. Still, my personal opinion is that chivalry should go both ways. I should be able to hold a door open for my guy friends as well. We should let whoever is closest to the door get off the elevator first for efficiency rather than always letting the girls go first. I should be able to give my coat to my guy friends when they're cold and I'm wearing an extra layer too. What is wrong with that? I thought feminism was about true equality, not this halfway shit we seem to have now. Sure, sometimes it's nice to be pampered, but seriously guys, let me be nice to you too. Once in a while, stop feeling like you have to fit the cultural norm of "macho" and "manly" and let me inconvenience myself for you.
Argh. Seriously. Friends, if you keep this up I'm going to end up punching a wall. Or maybe one of you in the face.
ETA: I guess the part I didn't put in there, was that I'm not MAD at my friends, because I don't think any of the examples I used were done on purpose. It's just something to be aware of as a problem in our society that I'd been noticing recently more close to home. It wasn't meant as a personal attack, just more emphatic that I see it coming from friends. Yes, I should probably have left out that last part, but I got myself all worked up and did put it in, so it doesn't seem right to just delete it now. In any case, a bunch of people seem to be annoyed at me (though none of them have actually told me so), and I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was just making some observations.
binsybaby also posted about it:I see people saying stuff like this a lot
"I don't know why, but girls never seem to be as funny as guys!"
Suggesting that sexy girls can't be funny if they are too sexy, saying that guys will always get more laughs just... because!
This bothers me as I'm sure it must bother you!
I tend to think that this viewpoint exists only because of our gender's tendency for shyness and being overly focused on appearance.
You can blame the media for that, for sure, but you also gotta admit we've never lived in a better time to break the mold!
She's right. It's absurd, and really dumb, and partially our own faults. However, the guys seriously need to watch it. She's specifically talking about the area of comedy, but I've been seeing it among friends and in general, and that's what I want to address.
It's the little things. Like telling my roommate she sounds the most intelligent when her mouth is closed. Or texting my roommate saying that the girlfriends she brought have been cast like lambs in front of lions and that she needs to save them, when they clearly aren't interested in the guys hitting on them, and are just humoring them and being amused at how ridiculous they are. Or just in general exuding an aura that makes us feel like you don't value our opinions as much as the guys we hang out with, like we have to try harder, be more eloquent, work harder to get our points across.
I also don't appreciate being treated like property. I don't like that the guys I hang out with ask permission of each other in order to hook up with girls in the group. It's not their fucking call, thank you very much. They can't blacklist us, they can't give a go-ahead, whatever they may think they can say doesn't matter because it is our decision to make. Sure, it's a little different if one of the friends has a crush on that girl (I'd ask a friend if I thought she liked someone before hooking up with them), but just because they seem overprotective doesn't mean shit. If my guy friends give a guy I'm hooking up with shit because they know each other and don't approve, I will have words with my guy friends. Because it is not their business. It is not their call. My body, my mind, my kisses are my own and they have absolutely no say in who I bestow them upon or what I do with them.
When I bring this up, in a nice manner, or just to remind them, I do not appreciate being contradicted in a joking manner. It's not a joke, it either makes us angry or makes us feel worthless depending on our mood. And it's always worse when they're together. Because they build off one another, needing to seem the most macho. It's a little disgusting.
Another observation makes me wonder if it's just this coast, and is a direct reaction to the increase in chivalry I've also encountered here. It's like it's been embedded in them that they have to be chivalrous and that makes them conclude that we are weaker and stupider and need to be directed and given preference because of that. I'm from Seattle, and I have gotten myself into many an awkward situation here because I don't expect guys to hold doors open for me, or wait for me to get out of the elevator first or whatever. Conversely, at home with my guy friends I feel like an equal in the conversation. Everyone gets ragged on to the same extent. I never feel like I'm thought less of, like my girl friends are thought less of and are less respected compared to the guys. We get equal input into the conversation. We aren't ignored. The insults feel less serious, like when the guys insult each other because they can because they're friends and know they don't really mean it.
So, maybe chivalry really should die? But then again, there are a few guys I have met who truly do treat me like an equal and yet are also ridiculously chivalrous. Still, my personal opinion is that chivalry should go both ways. I should be able to hold a door open for my guy friends as well. We should let whoever is closest to the door get off the elevator first for efficiency rather than always letting the girls go first. I should be able to give my coat to my guy friends when they're cold and I'm wearing an extra layer too. What is wrong with that? I thought feminism was about true equality, not this halfway shit we seem to have now. Sure, sometimes it's nice to be pampered, but seriously guys, let me be nice to you too. Once in a while, stop feeling like you have to fit the cultural norm of "macho" and "manly" and let me inconvenience myself for you.
ETA: I guess the part I didn't put in there, was that I'm not MAD at my friends, because I don't think any of the examples I used were done on purpose. It's just something to be aware of as a problem in our society that I'd been noticing recently more close to home. It wasn't meant as a personal attack, just more emphatic that I see it coming from friends. Yes, I should probably have left out that last part, but I got myself all worked up and did put it in, so it doesn't seem right to just delete it now. In any case, a bunch of people seem to be annoyed at me (though none of them have actually told me so), and I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was just making some observations.
Tags:
