Women Who Behave

Dang, I've been home for over a month now. It hasn't seemed like that long at all.

Right after I got back was Folklife. That's always a ton of fun. This year I ended up going Saturday, Sunday AND Monday even though I'd originally only planned on being there Saturday. Saturday I was there all afternoon, just kinda wandering around. Within 5 minutes of being there my phone died, of course, so even though I was supposed to meet up with Laura and Kat I only managed to run into Kat around 5. I got there at about 3 though, so there was a lot of time to chill. I mainly stayed around the fountain because that seems to be where everyone passes by at least once. I figured that my best chance of running into people would be if I stayed around there. Well, of course this meant that before I'd been there 10 minutes I almost literally ran into Paco as I was weaving through the crowd, looking at blankets and my feet to avoid stepping on anything or anyone. I was wearing giant sunglasses though and I don't think he recognized me which was fine. It was just one of those moments where you roll your eyes and think, "Of course. Why wouldn't I run into him first thing?" I hung out at the drum circle tent for a bit, and looked at what people were selling. Bought all the jewelry I'll buy for probably the next year (at least), which included a Claddagh ring to replace the one I broke last summer, a pentacle charm and an ankh charm. I just needed to get a leather strap to hang the charms on for a necklace.

Sunday I went with my dad, and we paid a bit more attention to the music than I had the day before. We got there around 3 again, and didn't leave until about 7 or 7:30. He found this awesome suede skirt that I then persuaded him to buy for me. It was $65, but that's to be expected when something is suede and worked into this cool warrior/pixie thing. If I'm daring I'll wear it without leggings, but it's pretty short so the leggings will probably be necessary.

On Monday I went with Carolyn, and we only stayed for about an hour because she had to go have dinner with her grandparents. Basically we went, waited in line for henna tattoos and ended up deciding to get jagua tattoos (stains black instead of brown and we didn't have to wait around to have them spray lemon juice on them). While we were waiting in line I actually spotted slfcllednowhere and Chris walking by, but I wasn't quick enough to jump out of line and say hello before they disappeared into the crowd.

Since then, I've done a bunch of interviewing for an internship at Wunderman, which fell through at the last minute as they decided to turn all of their intern positions into full-time hires. All the students interviewed are now shit out of luck with that marketing firm for this summer. I've also spent a weekend up at Whistler, gotten awesome/cheap gladiator sandals from Target, temped at the front desk at my dad's office for a week while the regular girl was out of town, and been sick for the past few days. Luckily I don't feel like death anymore, so I'm trying to call friends and see what they're up to tonight/this weekend. This weekend also happens to be the solstice parade, so I'm going to try try try to get a group of people to go to that.

My brother just finished his junior year of high school, and on Wednesday we went to see Rent. I guess Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal are doing the national tour right now, so it was awesome getting to see them play the roles they created 12 years ago. It's only here Tuesday through Sunday too! My brother decided he likes the stage version better than the film, which is a good opinion to have. We could have waited around a bit afterward to meet them back by the stage door, but my brother was tired and wanted to get home so he could wake up early for school on Thursday. Funnily enough he also got sick and didn't go until later so he joined my mom and I for breakfast in Kirkland Thursday morning.

In other brother news, he is going to be a Naked Vik next year. That's the self-appointed student spirit leaders that have been a tradition at my high school since...I actually don't know when. But every year the current Naked Viks take the group that wants to be them next year and has a week of hazing and then a fun, secretive initiation night where they decide who makes it for the next year. Well, the year I graduated, the school decided they'd had enough of these boys getting in trouble and decided to take it over. That worked for a year or two, but the kids chosen by the ASB and not the traditional way tended to get shit for it. So this year I guess nobody tried out the regular way, and then this year's Naked Viks decided to go ahead and have tryouts the old way. They abandoned the week of hazing to stay off the administration's radar, and packed everything into a weekend. (My dad and brother had been planning on going up to Whistler, leaving me alone with the house, until my brother found out about this.) My brother decided to try out because a couple of his friends were thinking of doing it too and so there would be cool people on it. Okay then. Anyway, he made it, and now they're refusing to sign whatever contract the administration drew up hoping to keep them under control. So, supposedly they don't get any of their perks, like sitting in the front row of the student section at football games and running in partway through the first quarter and all that, but my brother says that the administration won't be able to stop that. I keep telling him he should just sign the damn thing and then be smart about anything they do that would possibly get them in trouble. Their whole idea behind not signing it is that they won't get in AS much trouble if caught doing stuff now. Whatever. But this whole thing means that my trying to brainwash my brother into being more like me has failed and he has fully joined with the trend-followers. Oh well, at least I manage to keep him somewhat balanced and from turning into a complete tool.

I am getting seriously sick of the sexism I've been encountering lately. Mainly because some of it has been coming from my guy friends. I know I'm not the only one who's sick of it, either. Yesterday, binsybaby also posted about it:

I see people saying stuff like this a lot

"I don't know why, but girls never seem to be as funny as guys!"
Suggesting that sexy girls can't be funny if they are too sexy, saying that guys will always get more laughs just... because!

This bothers me as I'm sure it must bother you!
I tend to think that this viewpoint exists only because of our gender's tendency for shyness and being overly focused on appearance.
You can blame the media for that, for sure, but you also gotta admit we've never lived in a better time to break the mold!

She's right. It's absurd, and really dumb, and partially our own faults. However, the guys seriously need to watch it. She's specifically talking about the area of comedy, but I've been seeing it among friends and in general, and that's what I want to address.

It's the little things. Like telling my roommate she sounds the most intelligent when her mouth is closed. Or texting my roommate saying that the girlfriends she brought have been cast like lambs in front of lions and that she needs to save them, when they clearly aren't interested in the guys hitting on them, and are just humoring them and being amused at how ridiculous they are. Or just in general exuding an aura that makes us feel like you don't value our opinions as much as the guys we hang out with, like we have to try harder, be more eloquent, work harder to get our points across.

I also don't appreciate being treated like property. I don't like that the guys I hang out with ask permission of each other in order to hook up with girls in the group. It's not their fucking call, thank you very much. They can't blacklist us, they can't give a go-ahead, whatever they may think they can say doesn't matter because it is our decision to make. Sure, it's a little different if one of the friends has a crush on that girl (I'd ask a friend if I thought she liked someone before hooking up with them), but just because they seem overprotective doesn't mean shit. If my guy friends give a guy I'm hooking up with shit because they know each other and don't approve, I will have words with my guy friends. Because it is not their business. It is not their call. My body, my mind, my kisses are my own and they have absolutely no say in who I bestow them upon or what I do with them.

When I bring this up, in a nice manner, or just to remind them, I do not appreciate being contradicted in a joking manner. It's not a joke, it either makes us angry or makes us feel worthless depending on our mood. And it's always worse when they're together. Because they build off one another, needing to seem the most macho. It's a little disgusting.

Another observation makes me wonder if it's just this coast, and is a direct reaction to the increase in chivalry I've also encountered here. It's like it's been embedded in them that they have to be chivalrous and that makes them conclude that we are weaker and stupider and need to be directed and given preference because of that. I'm from Seattle, and I have gotten myself into many an awkward situation here because I don't expect guys to hold doors open for me, or wait for me to get out of the elevator first or whatever. Conversely, at home with my guy friends I feel like an equal in the conversation. Everyone gets ragged on to the same extent. I never feel like I'm thought less of, like my girl friends are thought less of and are less respected compared to the guys. We get equal input into the conversation. We aren't ignored. The insults feel less serious, like when the guys insult each other because they can because they're friends and know they don't really mean it.

So, maybe chivalry really should die? But then again, there are a few guys I have met who truly do treat me like an equal and yet are also ridiculously chivalrous. Still, my personal opinion is that chivalry should go both ways. I should be able to hold a door open for my guy friends as well. We should let whoever is closest to the door get off the elevator first for efficiency rather than always letting the girls go first. I should be able to give my coat to my guy friends when they're cold and I'm wearing an extra layer too. What is wrong with that? I thought feminism was about true equality, not this halfway shit we seem to have now. Sure, sometimes it's nice to be pampered, but seriously guys, let me be nice to you too. Once in a while, stop feeling like you have to fit the cultural norm of "macho" and "manly" and let me inconvenience myself for you.

Argh. Seriously. Friends, if you keep this up I'm going to end up punching a wall. Or maybe one of you in the face.

ETA: I guess the part I didn't put in there, was that I'm not MAD at my friends, because I don't think any of the examples I used were done on purpose. It's just something to be aware of as a problem in our society that I'd been noticing recently more close to home. It wasn't meant as a personal attack, just more emphatic that I see it coming from friends. Yes, I should probably have left out that last part, but I got myself all worked up and did put it in, so it doesn't seem right to just delete it now. In any case, a bunch of people seem to be annoyed at me (though none of them have actually told me so), and I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was just making some observations.