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carvinkeeper12So, I need to watch my eating. Well, I have been noticing how I've been eating, I need to actually do something about it. I dunno if anyone on here ever heard it, but last spring I was joking about how I was so busy that I kept skipping meals and was going to end up accidentally anorexic. Well, that hasn't exactly stopped eating-habits wise. I was really good about it at the beginning of both semesters, but then I would get busy and start skipping breakfast again and really just snack during the afternoon rather than getting lunch and dinner. I'd get Chinese with Elyssa once or twice a week, but really? Very few structured meals. And it descended into junk food after I got tired of the Quiznos subs and the salad thing was never open when I was there. Then I come home for summer, and you'd think it'd get better being around real food and my family again. It has, a bit, except that my appetite has gotten used to the constant snacking so I can't eat big portions anymore. I COULD stretch dinner on for hours and eat a decent sized meal, but nobody wants that. So I eat small portions, and instead of snacking healthily I either ignore that I'm hungry between meals, sleep all day, or eat what little junk I can find in the house. Like the last couple days for example: two days ago was fairly normal, granted breakfast lunch and dinner were all between about noon and 9pm. Then yesterday I didn't realize until about 10 that all I'd eaten all day was cookies, and so then I made myself some nutrition-scarce grits. Then I stayed up all night and woke up at 3, and just now am planning on getting something to eat. See? Not healthy. I need to change this.
It doesn't help that being surrounded by girls in the dorms has influenced the irrational part of my brain that worries about fat. I'm not fat. I logically know this. In fact, I'm still pretty close to being too skinny. HOWEVER, I put on my size 7 jeans that nobody thinks I should be wearing (I like baggy pants and I actually do have really wide hips), and I have a nice little muffin top. That boosts the confidence. I know, that's practically the only fat on my entire body, but it still bugs the crap out of me. I got both excited and worried when it disappeared briefly in the middle of spring semester. Partially because it was gone! and partially because I hadn't been working out at all besides that one time I went to the gym with everyone to play basketball. See? Even though logically I know I'm thin, and a fine weight (125 is fine, although I was happier hovering around 120) my stupid irrational female brain is giving me all this crap.
Also, I really want to get out of my house. I am tonight, as Abby and I are going to see The Fall, but otherwise I've pretty much been bored out of my mind for the entire month I've been home. I could go out on my own, but I keep getting distracted by books and the internet. I could constantly bug people, but I don't want to come off as annoying and actually be constantly bugging people. The only reasons I've been out of my house in the past week besides the one time I went to Jeff's house were to pick up or drop off job applications or to drive my brother or grandma somewhere. I have Alan to talk to, and I know Jeff keeps bugging me to hang out, but it's kinda depressing cuz half the time Alan is out with his own friends and only responds erratically, and there's a whole 'nother set of issues I'm dealing with when I say I don't really want to be around him right now. I need to get that out of my head and post about it, but I'm too lazy to set up filters because I don't want everyone reading that one. So yeah, bored out of my mind.
Well, I should eat SOMETHING (hopefully healthy) before Abby gets here.
It doesn't help that being surrounded by girls in the dorms has influenced the irrational part of my brain that worries about fat. I'm not fat. I logically know this. In fact, I'm still pretty close to being too skinny. HOWEVER, I put on my size 7 jeans that nobody thinks I should be wearing (I like baggy pants and I actually do have really wide hips), and I have a nice little muffin top. That boosts the confidence. I know, that's practically the only fat on my entire body, but it still bugs the crap out of me. I got both excited and worried when it disappeared briefly in the middle of spring semester. Partially because it was gone! and partially because I hadn't been working out at all besides that one time I went to the gym with everyone to play basketball. See? Even though logically I know I'm thin, and a fine weight (125 is fine, although I was happier hovering around 120) my stupid irrational female brain is giving me all this crap.
Also, I really want to get out of my house. I am tonight, as Abby and I are going to see The Fall, but otherwise I've pretty much been bored out of my mind for the entire month I've been home. I could go out on my own, but I keep getting distracted by books and the internet. I could constantly bug people, but I don't want to come off as annoying and actually be constantly bugging people. The only reasons I've been out of my house in the past week besides the one time I went to Jeff's house were to pick up or drop off job applications or to drive my brother or grandma somewhere. I have Alan to talk to, and I know Jeff keeps bugging me to hang out, but it's kinda depressing cuz half the time Alan is out with his own friends and only responds erratically, and there's a whole 'nother set of issues I'm dealing with when I say I don't really want to be around him right now. I need to get that out of my head and post about it, but I'm too lazy to set up filters because I don't want everyone reading that one. So yeah, bored out of my mind.
Well, I should eat SOMETHING (hopefully healthy) before Abby gets here.
